Cora

Cora doesn't get a lot of press around here, and I guess it's because although she's cute as a bucket of puppies, she doesn't really do or say much. After all, she is 8 months new. 

Just last night though, I was nursing her to sleep in one arm, and reading my book in the other.  I had my head lamp on, and was thoroughly invested in a really great part of the book, when she pulled off, and began to just stare at me.  Now I know there are mom's out there who savor the breastfeeding moments, and gaze at their babies as they rock together, but that's simply not me.  Don't get me wrong though, I look forward to nursing for sure.  I love it in fact, because I can check my email, read a book, fall asleep, or just stare around the room.  It's quiet, which is something that has been void from my life for the past three and a half years. 

So when she pulled away and began to stare at me, I was a little perturbed.  Figuring my infrared headlamp was slightly distracting, I flicked it off, but it was dusk, and there was still enough light in the room for me to see that my efforts were wasted. As she continued to stare at me, her tiny hand reached out and proceeded to slap the book from my hand.  She was effectively destroying my moment, and she didn't even save my page. Ughhh. 

My plan was to get the boob back in her mouth so that we could all get back to our happy place.  As I began luring her in that direction, I noticed I was clicking my tongue as if desperately calling a cat out of a tree. "Here Cora Cora!"  But she pushed the boob away, and continued to stare.

Her eyes searched my face like two little almond satellites.  She studied my nose, my lips, and my ears.  I watched as she looked at my chin, and then furrowed her brow.  I shifted nervously, wondering what she was thinking, feeling like I was trial.  A minute or so passed, and when I realized she just wanted to look at her mommy, I decided to just look at her too. As our almond eyes met, it felt as if we were two souls meeting for real, for the very first time.  She has been here for eight months, but in that moment my thoughts flashed into fast forward motion, and I saw her with long dark hair and my skinny legs. Then I imagined her as a five year old, walking down the street in a sundress with her big sister.  All of a sudden she was in college, and we were furnishing her first apartment. We were drinking coffee together, and reading books in the sun and laughing.  

I realized that this little soul came into the world to be whoever she is going to be, and I get to guide her. I get to "do life" with her.  Most of the time, it feels like she will always be a baby, but the way she looked at me with those deep dark eyes, it was as if she knew things even I didn't know, and I'm the mommy, so I usually know everything. 

When I felt like my heart was about to burst from the layers of epiphanies that were occurring, the sides of her mouth curled ever so slightly into the sweetest grin, and her tiny hand began to wave at me.  "Oh, well hello!" I said smiling, returning the wave.  It's nice to finally "meet you" Miss Cora.  This is gonna be great.